In my more than 20 years providing therapy to dementia caregivers, I often hear some version of:  “Around other people they’re pleasant and conversational, but with me they just shut down or get short-tempered. They could treat me differently if they wanted to.” The truth…

A family member calls asking you to see their older loved one who’s living with dementia. In psychotherapy with adults, that call raises red flags. Who is the client? Who holds the decision-making authority? Where do the boundaries fall? But with older adults navigating life-altering…

The signs are hard to miss. Your mother used to balance her checkbook to the penny — now the bills are going unpaid. Your father, who has driven the same route to the grocery store for 30 years, called you last Tuesday because he got…

When a family member starts asking the same question three times in an hour, or gets lost driving a route they’ve taken for thirty years, what follows is often a combination of fear (what if something horrible happens?) and uncertainty (what do we do about…

You may still remember the exact words the clinician used. “Dementia.” “Alzheimer’s disease.” “Probable Lewy body dementia.” For many families, everything after that becomes a blur. The fear is real. The uncertainty is real. And so is this: there are clear, concrete steps you can…

A dementia diagnosis is one of the most disorienting moments a person — or a family — can face. The fear is real. The uncertainty is real. And so is this: there are clear, concrete steps you can take right now to protect your health,…

“This is probably the last few chapters of her life. And I made it worse. I lied to her and I betrayed her and I don’t know if I can forgive myself.” This is what a caregiver shared with me in therapy. She lamented over…

The plan was already made. The family had toured the memory care facility twice, signed the paperwork, and arranged for movers to collect her things the following week. But when they pulled into the parking lot, her daughter told her she would just be staying…

I was settling in for a long travel day on an airplane — when I found myself in one of those unexpectedly meaningful conversations that remind me why I do this work. The man sitting next to me was in his early 60s. He and…

Imagine waking up every day not knowing whether to grieve or to hope. Whether to set a place at the table or quietly put the extra plate away. Whether to say “is” or “was.” This is the territory of ambiguous loss — and it is,…

If you spend any time on social media, you have probably seen it — a well-meaning post, shared thousands of times, warning that caregivers are so depleted, so selflessly devoted, that they often die before the very people they are caring for. It is a…

Living alone is a choice many of us treasure—the independence, the comfort of familiar surroundings, the dignity of managing our own daily rhythms. But what happens when dementia enters this picture? As a geropsychologist who has worked with thousands of older adults navigating cognitive changes,…